Caprice

A strange melancholic grimace flashed across his face as yet again he glanced at the persistently dark screen of his cellphone.
But it failed to understand his yearning-it stubbornly still displayed the same disappointing blankness.

The cerulean ocean seemed to be mocking him-its incomprehensible calmness of it almost driving him to insanity. He stared out to sea-the maelstrom in his mind in stark contrast to the tranquil blue-a flash of lightning against a sunny azure sky-an inexplicable phenomenon viewed with equanimity!

A long drag on his uncomplaining companion only seemed to accentuate his acute loneliness-the twirling swirling smoke seemingly drifting towards the heavens of its own volition-released from captivity rather unknowingly, its benefactor lost in his own miseries.

The white sand was a pristine backdrop for his memories-a big screen TV with no end-channel surfing seemed out of the question too! He laughed at his own jokes; mocking his helpless despondency: a victim of his own desires.
Seemingly endless, the pallid sand stretched on mile after mile; a mirage of paradise stretching off towards the horizon-a placid sea culminating in a snow white beach fringed with green palms fluttering in the breeze-candy striped huts offering a refuge to those tired of perfection in both Nature and man ( or rather, mankind ). But what it concealed was a huge cauldron of hidden desires and jealousies-unsuccessful with love businessmen contemplating yet another failed relationship over yet another scotch on the rocks; a celebrated beauty mulling over her sixth ( or was it seventh?) divorce; or rather, the contents of her pre-nup; ably assisted by her martini; a young hungry for success lawyer daydreaming about his latest client, and more importantly her millions that would be coming his way in legal fees.
A veritable mélange of sins-oddly out of place in this last paradise. But then again-that explained his presence in that paradoxical oasis of peace and transgressions.

Yet another lost soul seeking redemption-or actually more like a fresh start. However she just refused to vacate his mind; unlike the efficiency and haste with which she left his apartment she remained obdurately lodged in his memories; creating a monochromatic monologue, a silent black and white movie of reminisces and recollections that haunted his every waking moment; and quite a few of his sleeping ones too.

But then again:

“The only thing that’s worse than one is none”.

“The brightest lights cast the darkest shadows”.

The randomness of the inane thoughts flashing across his mind provoked an involuntary laugh from him-causing his youthful face to crease as he examined his own mind-surprised that he still remembered how to laugh.

He took pleasure in the minute details of life: the way the sky looks minutes before it pours; the second laughter turns to hysteria; the look on someone’s face as she smiles in her dreams.

He lit yet another of his cigarettes. Something someone had once told him stuck in his mind: “people smoke when their willingness to live is equal to their willingness to die.” Strangely it seemed apt.

“Dreams are the meeting point of wishes and fears.
When the wishes and fears are the same-people call it a nightmare.”

He was dreaming with his eyes open-dreaming of a past when life had seemed worthwhile; perfect even. A past when the sky was devoid of clouds; when perfection was a way of life.

Perfection perhaps not in the eye of any and every beholder-but to him: yes; perfect.

The suddenness with which that happiness had turned to despair still amazed him.One minute you’re rejoicing-the next you feel as if your heart has just been ripped out from your chest.

The transience of life still never failed to amaze him; in fact if anything-that was the only constant in the variable called “life”.

And then; once again, like the fickle maiden it was, Life turned on its head.

Knock knock…